A new and fast rising company is in need of 200 professionals for expansion.Applicants are no longer required to submit their resume and can start immediately.These are the new exciting job opportunities.

Job Title: Customer Annoying Officer (Job Code COA) [a.k.a. Makulit na tindera sa Ukay-ukay o tiangge-an]

Job Description: You will just be standing in an upright position. (Sitting is allowed from time to time) Look customers in the eye and recite some words.

Qualifications: Female 20-40 years old.This position requires exceptional annoying skills, the candidate should not possess excellent communication skills. Candidates with Tourette's Syndrome would be a plus.The applicant should be able to memorize the words "Pili na" [Translation: Choose something and buy something whether you like it or not] and "Bili na suki". He/She should be color blind and insist on buying something which is totally not what you're looking for.He/She should be a master of lying and must be able to convince would be buyers that their products price is reasonable because its Class A.No experience necessary. No training will be provided.

Job Title: Passenger Informations Associate (Job Code PIA) [a.k.a. Barker ng mga jeep/fx]

Job description: You will be in charge of relating relevant information to passengers about the jeep/FXx destination. This may also require you to lie from time to time and tell the would be passenger that the FX route will be from SM Fairview to Taft when in truth its only up to Morayta.

Qualifications: Male 15-45 years old. Black Complexion. Hardly takes a bath and dresses nicely. (shorts and worn out t-shirts are required but not strictly followed) Candidates must also possess the ability to levitate and attach themselves to the back of vehicles. The candidate should also convince passengers that they do not know how to read signboards. And threaten the life of the FX/Jeepney driver if necessary.

Job Title: Grease Relations Officer (Job Code GRO) [a.k.a. taong grasa]

Job description: You will wander from place to place, sleep anywhere and talk to yourself.

Qualifications: Male/Female 18-50 years old. Must have no family and must not take a bath. He/She should be able to withstand extreme weather conditions and must possess love of nature. He/She must be physically fit and master the art of contemplative meditation (matulala, translation: stare blankly while playing with your lower lip)The candidate should also wear dead cells (libag) and should not comb or wash their hair. He must also withstand extreme hunger and depression.

Job Title: Customer Friendly Swindling Officer (Job code CFSO) [a.k.a "that guy with a necktie/that gal in a business suit in malls (madalas na nasa mga SM malls) [often seen in SM malls]

Job Description: You will be tasked to talk to people and tell them to join a raffle, you will call them and tell them that they won something but they must shell out some amount of money to be able to claim the price. You must also know how to toy with their minds and let them in a scam.You must also convince them that their family comes first.

Qualifications: Male/Female 20-45 years old, College Graduates. Must wear longsleeves and necktie, or a three piece business suit for the ladies. (skirt, slacks, blouse,blazer) The candidate must also have the gift of discernment or the ability to see through people. And should be a master of disguise.

All applications should be submitted the day before today. See you there!

Disclaimer: Ang inyong mga natunghayan ay pawang mga kathang isip lamang ng may-ari ng blog na ito, ang anumang pagkakahawig sa tunay na buhay, lugar o pangyayari ay maaaring sinadya pero di naman masyado. No pun intended. Nagsa-sour grape lang kse wala pa ding trabaho ang may-akda... :)